


Conviction

by Dolimir



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-20 05:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolimir/pseuds/Dolimir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean each contemplate heaven. (Written during Season Two)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Conviction

Sam sat toward the front of the sanctuary, silently praying as he fingered the sandalwood beads of his rosary. While not Catholic by birth or upbringing, he felt a certain comfort in the centuries-old ritualized prayers. Of all the various denominations he had explored, the Catholics were the only ones who seemed to accept the fact that demons currently, and not metaphorically, walked the earth. Not that they admitted it out loud anymore, but there was a definite awareness that the other sects lacked.

Besides, there was something soothing about sitting in church while reflecting on the nature of God and salvation, a task that was almost impossible to accomplish in his day-to-day life.

Ever since Sam could remember, he adored his brother; but for the last several weeks Dean seemed to be making it his personal mission to fill up all the quiet spaces in Sam's life. At first, the constant chatter almost drove him to his breaking point, but as time passed Sam came to understand what his brother was doing. While he appreciated the fact that Dean could usually distract him enough to keep him from brooding, there were times when he truly just needed some quiet time to himself. Church had become his sanctuary in more than one way.

When Sam first learned about his so-called destiny, he railed against the universe and demanded answers from anyone who would talk to him. But as the months passed, he slowly wended his way through the five stages of grief. Finally, he came to accept the fact that the yellow-eyed demon could not be deterred from his path coercion; however, that didn't mean Sam had to accept the destiny unfurling before him. In fact, he had every intention of defying the demon, just as he had defied his own father. His life, his destiny was his and he wasn't going to give up without a fight.

Dean didn't pray. Not because he didn't believe in God, but because he was angry at the higher power. The divinity had ignored all of his brother's pleas and, in turn, Dean choose to ignore God.

Unlike his brother, Sam understood that sometimes the answer to a prayer was no. The lifetime of noes Dean had received had sculpted him into becoming one of the most fearless demon hunters on the planet. Sam knew if God had given Dean an easy life, there was no way his brother would be saving people or hunting evil. God's noes had made Dean an earthly, albeit angry, angel.

It had taken a while, but Sam eventually realized that the noes to his own prayers probably should have taken him along a similar path, and to a certain extent they had. But while Dean had been trapped by the bonds of family and commitment, he had given Sam his most precious gift -- an understanding of free will -- not that they had ever discussed it.

In his teenage years, whenever he fought with his father, Dean tried to show him how to please both himself and their dad. Sam lost count of how many times Dean had quietly defied their father on his behalf, somehow getting both of them to the same place, but allowing Sam to find his own way there. It was a lesson Sam rarely applied on his own, too angry by circumstances to find a compromise, but it was a lesson he had learned.

Without having to turn around, Sam knew that his brother was sitting at the back of the church, watching his back like always. Dean probably thought he was asking for his destiny to be somehow withdrawn. But he wasn't. He knew that no amount of prayer would accomplish that task. Over time, Sam simply wanted the strength to throw destiny back in the devil's face.

Sam knew if he remained strong God would be with him, for there was absolutely no possibility that God wanted Sam to follow the demon's path. All he had to do was keep the faith and not be swayed by whatever pretty promises or dire threats the demon might use.

The other prayer Sam made daily was to ask God to allow Dean to walk by his side until the end. While he had, and would probably continue to accept no to his various prayers, this was the one Sam considered a deal breaker. If God ultimately said no to this prayer, Sam had every intention of accepting the demon's offer, then destroying hell from within before he stormed the gates of heaven.

While his brother may have made a habit of accepting the word no from God, Sam would make sure that the final answer to his brother's tortured soul was yes, or he would be demanding the reason why in person -- one way or the other.


	2. Absolution

Absolution.

Complete forgiveness for all sins committed.

Dean watched his brother's hunched form sitting in a pew toward the front of the church, respectfully listening to the priest as he exhorted the virtues of the Holy Son dying for humanity's sins. Dean covered his mouth to hide his amusement.

Words.

They were nothing but meaningless words, given to people who were starting to worry about their ultimate destination, but who would undoubtedly sin again, too weak to resist the temptations which faced them the moment they stepped outside the hallowed walls.

Dean was worried about Sam. Not because he was looking for redemption, but because Sammy had taken to asking forgiveness for sins he hadn't committed yet, as if God, Allah or whoever, would acknowledge his good deeds and kind heart and give him a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card that would cause the yellow eyed bastard to skip over him.

Dean didn't have the heart to tell his brother that all his praying was futile; that whoever the hell was in charge wasn't going to take away his burden and that he'd better start preparing himself for what was to come. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't make himself say the words. Hell, God didn't even let his own son off the hook, he's sure as hell wasn't going to let some Kansas orphan off because he was a decent kid.

If praying gave Sam some measure of comfort, then Dean was damn well going to let him do it. And who knew, maybe a miracle would happen and Sammy would be spared. He shook his head and tried not to snort. Yeah, and maybe rainbows would shoot out of his ass too.

Of course, Dean knew there wouldn't be any miraculous intervention on his own behalf. He knew he was living on borrowed time. Hell every demon between Bangor and San Diego took great delight in reiterating that fact every chance they got, which lately seemed to be happening a lot.

And while Sammy struggled to get off his path, Dean was doing everything in his power to stay on his, so that when the time of reckoning was at hand he could stand by Sammy's side and kill as many evil sons of bitches as he could.

No, heaven wouldn't be opening its doors for the likes of Dean Winchester, but he was going to do everything within his power to pick the locks and shove his little brother through before heading down to hell to finish the job.


End file.
